Fuck Yeah Caitlin Moran
Women, I’ve had a billion gins, so I’m going to give you all the advice you need for 2014:
1) Only hang out with people who make you feel comfortable and happy.
2) Get a bra you can dance in. I highly recommend the Marie-jo from Rigby & Peller. Spendy, but a life-time sex-dance investment.
3) Find what you would do for free, and try and find a way to get paid for it as your job. Everything good in the world comes from love.
4) Drink shit-tons of gin and listen to Daft Punk, Lorde, MIA, Kanye West and prime Bowie. All your revolutionary needs will be met.
5) Read as many books as you can - every book you read means you absorb another life. It’s the most pleasurable power-up ever.
6) You don’t need mascara if you’re wearing eye-liner. Spend your spare fiver on tights.
7) Never complain, never explain. No-one is paying you for either. Shine on you crazy diamond. Carry on your mission.
8) Ghostbusters is the greatest film ever because the main protagonists never fall out with each other. There is a lesson here.
9) Hair looks its best two days after washing, pumped with dry shampoo, and back-combed. YOU DON’T NEED A HAIRDRESSER.
10) A wobbly belly is the sexy birthright of all women.
12) (is it 12? I’m pissed) Always presume everyone you are dealing with has recently received bad news. Be gentle & forgiving.
13) There has never been a party better than eating a baked potato on the sofa watching “Cheers.”
14) The best eye-liner is Rimmel.
15) The best deodorant is 24-Hour Sure. Spray-ons don’t work. If you’re very sweaty, buy under-arm pads.
19) (literally lost count) full a pot with sunflower oil, salt & essential oil for the world’s cheapest shower exfoliant/moisturiser.
20) Become sweatily exhilarant at least three times a week - dancing, swimming, listening to music, walking. Exercise your body like a dog.
21) Feel fat? a) FUCK THE PATRIARCHY b) princess-line. This is the dress-shape that makes everything better.
53) When in doubt, listen to “Heroes” by David Bowie. You will always know what to do afterwards.
23) All concepts of Hell are simply the idea of you suffering for being unkind.
24) Sailors fighting in the dance-hall. Oh man, look at those cave-men go.
473) “And in the end, the love you make, is equal to the love you take.”
1974) If you don’t feel “normal”, your mission is to make your abnormal “normal”. I refer you, again, to David Bowie.
183636) Similarly, freaks, when people say, “That is not what we do,” you reply, “That is not what we do - YET.”
And then you smoke a cigarette whilst “Let’s Dance” plays.
bong) give me your hands, because you’re wonderful
48373) tights, boots, shorts, t-shirt, revolution.
HOT TRAMP I LOVE YOU SO. Mum says I have to get off the internet now.
*expansive arm gesture* PEOPLE ON STREETS *is put into bed*
“I want to do great things, as men do.”
Caitlin Moran welcomes 2014 (via gogoartqueen)
People who, in 2013, who say, with utter certainty, “nothing can change!” are one of the more discombobulating developments of recent years. I’ll be frank – it does my head in to see someone who lives in a democracy, wears artificial fibres, drives a car, has a wife who can vote and children whom it is illegal to send to work up a chimney, saying, on the internet – invented in 1971!!!! – “NOTHING CAN CHANGE!”

kymethra:

THIS IS IMPORTANT. PLEASE GO AND READ.

(The website keeps crashing but please keep trying if you can’t get through the first time.)

There is a neat squaring of the circle when you notice that, on this issue, those who say “Things cannot change” are, in the overwhelming majority, men – and that the people they are trying to shut down who are saying, repeatedly, “Things must change,” are women.

And this is all particularly inappropriate when the conversation is about how, of all things, it is the internet that cannot change. The internet, which was invented, within our lifetimes, by hippies. Tim Berners-Lee, who gave away the coding for free, with the words “This is for everyone” – the sentence that was so astonishing and inspiring when it lit up the stadium at the Olympics Opening Ceremony.

In short, the internet was invented, very recently, for people, by people, and founded in optimism and idealism.

For this odd new groundswell of commentators to start claiming that the internet is inherently dark, cruel and cynical is a gross misappropriation of one of the wonders of the modern age. It misunderstands what it was, is and, most importantly, could be.

Shame on anyone whose argument basically boils down to saying that “The thing about the internet is, it’s a place where hundreds of anonymous men can threaten to rape women – and that is how it will always be.”

That is in an odd, dark denial of the fundamental decency of human nature and the law. It is illegal to act in this manner on the internet, and the social networking sites on which it happens need to be reminded of that unambiguously. As Andy Trotter said on Monday, of internet platform providers, such as Twitter, “ You can’t just set them up, and then walk away.”

Caitlin Moran [x] (via nutmegbirch)
movingforwardintothebeyond:

She is brilliant

movingforwardintothebeyond:

She is brilliant

ashleighjadegrice:

She is honestly one of the best people ever.

ashleighjadegrice:

She is honestly one of the best people ever.

rach-cd:

@caitlinmoran My best award ever: Honourary Gay Of The Year, at the inaugural Attitude Awards. Literally, SCREAM [x]

rach-cd:

@caitlinmoran My best award ever: Honourary Gay Of The Year, at the inaugural Attitude Awards. Literally, SCREAM [x]

The comfort of having Twitter when you’re alone at a station at 11pm – all your friends in your phone, never being alone.
Caitlin Moran on wonderful things in the world.