Fuck Yeah Caitlin Moran
Once upon a time, a girl with long nails and a really bad outfit sat on a sofa, trying to look sexy, but actually looking like she’d just remembered a vexing, unpaid parking fine. She might be slightly cross-eyed, due to how tight her bra is. A man comes in – a man who walks rather oddly, as if he’s carrying an invisible garden chair in front of him. This is because he’s got a uselessly large penis, which is erect, and appears to be scanning the room for the most sexually disinterested thing in it. Having rejected the window and a vase, the cock finally homes in on the girl on the sofa. As she disinterestedly licks her lips, the man leans over and – inexplicably – weighs her left breast in his hand. This appears to be the crossing of some kind of sexual Rubicon because, 30 seconds later, she’s being fucked at an uncomfortable angle, then bummed whilst looking quite pained. There’s usually a bit of arse-slapping here, or some hair-pulling there – whatever can ring in the variety in a straightforward two-camera shoot in less than five minutes. It all ends with him coming all over her face, messily – as if he’s haphazardly icing a bun in one of the challenges on The Generation Game. The End.
Caitlin Moran on 21st Century porn~How to Be a Woman (via empoweringredlipstick)
Because the one thing I couldn’t find, that night as I glided around the Internet, was desire. People who actually wanted to fuck each other. HAD to fuck each other. Imagine watching two people screwing at that early, white-hot stage of attraction when your pupils dilate just looking at each other, and you want to melt each other’s bones so bad you’re practically eating each other’s clothes off the minute the door closes.

Caitlin Moran, How To Be A Woman


I had a ‘oh, so that’s why I don’t like it!’ moment when I first read this. It isn’t about having a plot, it’s about desire.

(via pasiphile)

One day, I think, idly, all the cats who are watching porn being made will rise up, revolted by all the uncouth dialogue ostensibly being aimed at them, wander onto the set, and ostentatiously vomit up a hairball in the middle of some bumming.
Caitlin Moran, on cats and porn.  (via embouteillage)
Watch any porn made after, say, 1988, and it’s all hairless down there: close-ups are like watching one of the Mitchell brothers, with no eyes, eating a very large, fidgety sausage.
Caitlin Moran, How to be a Woman (via mountainsoutofmolehills)
One day, I think, idly, all the cats who are watching porn being made will rise up, revolted by all the uncouth dialogue ostensibly being aimed at them, wander onto the set, and ostentatiously vomit up a hairball in the middle of some bumming.
How To Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran (via sophieisanerd)
Caitlin Moran: putting the X into Xmas.
This was the link. Properly NSFW.

Caitlin Moran: putting the X into Xmas.

This was the link. Properly NSFW.

21st century heterosexual porn

Once upon a time, a girl with long nails and a really bad outfit sat on a sofa, trying to look sexy, but actually looking like she’d just remembered an unpaid parking fine. She might be slightly cross eyed due to how tight her bra is.

A man comes in - a man who walks rather oddly, as if he is carrying an invisible garden chair in front of him. This is because he’s got a uselessly large penis, which is erect, and appears to be scanning the room for the most sexually disinterested thing in it. Having rejected the window, and a vase, the cock finally homes in on the girl on the sofa.

As she disinterestedly licks her lips, the man leans over and - inexplicably - weighs her left breast in her hand. This appears to be the crossing of some kind of sexual Rubicon because, 30 seconds later, she’s being fucked at an uncomfortable angle, then bummed whilst looking quite pained. There’s usually a bit of arse-slapping here, or some hair pulling there - whatever can ring in the variety in a straightforward two - camera shoot in less than 5 minutes.

It all ends with him coming all over her face, messily - as if he’s haphazardly icing a bun in one of the challenges on The Generation Game.

The End.

Caitlin Moran // How to be a woman (via im-just-a-girl-lucky-me)

naanbread:

i think caitlin moran sums up my feelings towards pornography when she says “I JUST WANT A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR INTERNATIONAL PORN INDUSTRY WHERE I CAN SEE A WOMAN COME”

I AM NOW A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN, AND I JUST WANT A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR INTERNATIONAL PORN INDUSTRY WHERE I CAN SEE A WOMAN COME.
Caitlin Moran- ‘How To Be a Woman’ (via iamfeminist)

It’s a lot harder to read pornography on public transport using an iPad than it is with an old-fashioned book. There – I’ve said it. We were all thinking it, but I’ve just said it. With a paperback, you can open the book to reveal only a mean, 90° view of the pages – only visible to the reader, and/or someone sitting in your lap. You can hide any amount of filth in an aperture that narrow. It’s a totally workable system.

With an iPad, of course, it’s so different – the huge, flat screen means you’re basically serving up your grumble mags on a tray to anyone within a four-foot radius: which, on a rush-hour Victoria line train, north-bound from Oxford Circus, is a practically a whole football team’s worth of sweaty men strap-hanging and reading your Jilly Cooper gang-bang over your shoulder. Socially awkward.