Fuck Yeah Caitlin Moran

He’d already had his first kiss: “Underwater. Mary. I was 11. The wettest lips you could possibly kiss. I think that was definitely my first kiss. Unless I’d kissed a boy at school in a f***ing play – which would ruin that very erotic Humbert Humbert-like memory I have of my first female obsession.”

In his last year at Harrow he discovered “pot and girls and music”, “got a bit lazy” and forfeited his chance of Oxbridge. He took a year out – working for six months in a perfumier’s to earn the money to allow him to teach English in Tibet. At the perfumier’s, he learnt to prefer “bright citruses – bergamot, vetiver”.

Once, with a severe cold, he served Richard E. Grant and watched, with horror, as a drip from his nose “landed right on his Blenheim Bouquet as I giftwrapped it” – the most gently dandy thespian anecdote of 2013. A month later, he was in India, watching a parade of keening mourners take the dead down to the river, to be burnt.

Benedict Cumberbatch, in an interview with Caitlin Moran for The Times, May 2013 (x)
The Times - Whats not to Love About Benedict Cumberbatch

cumbertrekky:

He was an all-action Sherlock Holmes for TV and now he’s conquering Hollywood in Star Trek. Caitlin Moran joins the actor at his parents’ home for Sunday lunch

I don’t know if you remember, but some time last summer – between the end of the Olympics and the return of The X Factor – it briefly became the thing to have a go at Benedict Cumberbatch for being “a posho”.

However many times Cumberbatch tried to explain that he was “just middle class, really”, a sum kept being done, over and over: “Harrow education” + “called ‘Benedict Cumberbatch’ ” = “A man who wipes his bum on castles”. There was a series of catty columns about it, with headlines like “Posh off to America” and “Poor posh boy”.

The underlying presumption seemed to be that Cumberbatch was some dilettante princeling – stealing roles such as Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock, and the painfully repressed landowner Christopher Tietjens in Tom Stoppard’s Parade’s End, that would otherwise have gone to working-class actors such as Danny Dyer, or Shane Richie from EastEnders, and that this was all a great pity.

Of course, as with all these things, it blew over quite quickly – not least because it was superseded by the news that Cumberbatch had been cast in the new Star Trek movie, and was, therefore, about to become one of the most successful British actors of the past ten years. But I am reminded of it all today, in the back of a cab, leafing through a pile of cuttings on Cumberbatch.

“What a load of balls that was,” I muse. “The whole posh thing. What a load of old balls. What a funny old world.”

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I have been invited to lunch with Cumberbatch at his parents’ house in Gloucestershire. Star Trek Into Darkness is now about to open and this is the only day he has free to talk. I have made the great sacrifice and taken a train to Swindon.

The cab driver drops me outside the house.

“Here you go,” he says.

I climb out of the car, and stare at a gigantic, honey-coloured mansion, with immaculately tended lawns. Parked in the driveway are a black London taxi and a vintage silver Rolls-Royce.

Last night, Benedict had offered to pick me up from the station, saying he has a “loooooooooovely car”.

“Yes – you have, haven’t you, Benedict?” I think to myself, staring. “You’ve got a lovely pair.”

I crunch up the drive, carrying a massive bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine, and shout through the letter box.

“Hello! I’m from London! I’ve come on holiday, to the countryside, by accident!”

Silence. I circle the house. The place is so big, I can’t work out where the front door is.

I decide to go to ask a neighbour for advice on how to penetrate the Cumberbatch estate.

I head towards a nearby crofter’s cottage.

Benedict Cumberbatch is standing in the doorway of the tiny cottage, in a pair of knackered navy corduroy slippers, watching my progress across the lawn – lavishly strewn with hyacinths – with some curiosity.

“What were you doing at Kate Moss’s house?” he asks, mildly.

Ah. Kate Moss. The working-class girl from Croydon made good. That mansion is her house.

The “posh” Cumberbatches, by way of contrast, live next door: three small rooms downstairs, three small rooms upstairs. Every available surface is covered in books, family photographs or owls.

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but how is Benedict even real: as summed up in fabulous quotes from the Caitlin Moran interview

worthmanywounds:

  • “That is a picture of my mother kissing my arse,” he confirms.
  • Here’s what it’s like interviewing Benedict Cumberbatch: a bit like interviewing a waterfall. It won’t really answer any of your questions, but it’s fabulous to watch. It’s not that it’s trying to ignore or avoid your questions – God, no. It is endlessly, eagerly forthcoming, and shows a touching courtesy towards the whole notion of being interviewed. It will tell you a story about being stung on the penis by a sea anemone in the same breath as discussing the panic of entering the library at Harrow for the first time: “Because I thought, I probably won’t have a lifetime long enough to read the first shelf – let alone the first room, let alone the whole f***ing library. I’ve always been after the idea of betterment – to know exactly everything about that wine, and tell you about the birdsong I can hear, and to understand the world around me.”
  •  “I was a kid until I was 18, really. But the one grace of an all-boys boarding school is that you could lie about what you’d done on your holidays. Not like a mixed school, where you had to parade your girlfriend around the playground. I was a bit Hugh Grant around women. ‘Good gosh, er, do you mind if I, erm, touch, ah, it? Gosh, I feel funny now.’
  • “S***. S***. It’s already half-past chaffinch. If we get to barn owl, I am never getting to Bristol tonight.”
  • “It’s not even politeness. I won’t allow you to be my bitches. I think it sets feminism back so many notches. You are… Cumberpeople.”
  • “I’m going to become… non-verbal now,” he says, owlishly. He oils onto the dancefloor, and busts a move to a series of Eighties gay anthems, right under the glitterball.
  • “All the things we didn’t talk about!” he lamented. “The Simpsons, New York at new year, Iceland… I’ve seen and swam and climbed and lived and driven and filmed. Should it all end tomorrow, I can definitely say there would be no regrets. I am very lucky, and I know it. I really have lived 5,000 times over.”

 

And bonus Wanda Ventham:

  • his mother comes upstairs, and interrupts in the way that is the birthright of all mothers. She addresses me with some urgency: “Can you just… find him a bird?” she asks. “You must be able to find him a bird. There must be someone in London who’s suitable. I want grandchildren. Please – find my son a bird.”
pollyprissypant:

I love everything this Twitter conversation chooses to be.
Also? NEW Caitlin/Ben interview. I eagerly await this awesomeness, if only to find out if she coins anymore fantastic phrases like “jaguar in a cello”. Plus I want to know more about this Haggan Dasz tale…

pollyprissypant:

I love everything this Twitter conversation chooses to be.

Also? NEW Caitlin/Ben interview. I eagerly await this awesomeness, if only to find out if she coins anymore fantastic phrases like “jaguar in a cello”. Plus I want to know more about this Haggan Dasz tale…

f-vk-abulous:

One of the reasons I’m in love with Caitlin Moran, who writes Celebrity Watch~

f-vk-abulous:

One of the reasons I’m in love with Caitlin Moran, who writes Celebrity Watch~

Who is your best-dressed British man?
Benedict Cumberbatch is very beautiful. He did break my heart when I interviewed him though. He’s brilliant to get on with and I really liked him as a person but 90 per cent of the reason that I fancy him - and the part that died a bit - was when he said he hated his hair as Sherlock Holmes. He thought they made him look like a girl and he preferred being blondey ginger. I want him to fancy himself as Sherlock but he’s too modest and lovely for that.
Caitlin Moran for GQ (x)

mermaidscalesandfairytales:

what

caitlin moran is sitting next to lara pulver

thEY ARE SPEAKING

THESE ARE TWO OF MY FAVOURITE FAMOUS PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

EXCUSE ME WHILE I DIE

AND I KIND OF SHIP THEM

moriartysskull:

Caitlin Moran fighting for Cumberbatch Part 2
She’s the greatest Cumberbitch in existence.

moriartysskull:

Caitlin Moran fighting for Cumberbatch Part 2

She’s the greatest Cumberbitch in existence.

moriartysskull:

Caitlin Moran fighting for the Cumberbatch part 1.
I love you Caitlin.

moriartysskull:

Caitlin Moran fighting for the Cumberbatch part 1.

I love you Caitlin.