Fuck Yeah Caitlin Moran

Apr 18

Is there ever going to be a week that will go by without either Kanye West or his fiancée Kim Kardashian featuring in Celebrity Watch? CW’s gonna be totally honest with you: it doubts it. It doubts it all to hell and back.

This week, West made the Press Association ticker-tape by releasing a new song, I Won, in which he paeans Kardashian in rhyme: “I wanna dip that ass in gold” he raps, a proposition that makes CW incredibly nervous, given how badly a similar process went for Shirley Eaton in Goldfinger.

But even as CW was fretting over this terrible health-and-safety issue, West had gone on to make his next major statement. Recalling how Kardashian chose a rap star (him) over a sports star (some sports stars), he rapped, “I made it over NBA, NFL players/ So every time I score it’s like the Super Bowl.”

Now, while CW does not doubt that this lyric comes from a place of love and admiration, it feels it must caution West as to the unfortunate nature of this particular simile. Saying “I made it over NBA, NFL players” makes it sound like there was a huddle of them, grouped around Kardashian’s private areas, that West had to bust through while wearing a helmet and gumshield, that one billion people watched it on TV and that the Red Hot Chili Peppers played at half-time.

And as for “So every time I score it’s like the Super Bowl” — has he even thought about this? The goalposts in the NFL are 40ft tall and 18ft 6in wide and Kardashian’s just had a baby. To be honest, given the circumstances, this is the worst simile for making love to your wife ever.

” — Caitlin Moran’s “Celebrity Watch”, The Times, Friday 18th April (via theinternethassexwithitself)

Apr 09



Apr 07

“Who doesn’t have a friend who worships her lover with a passion that seems baffling to everyone that knows them? Before you met him for the first time, she’d talked him up like he was a cross between Indiana Jones, Barack Obama and The Doctor. When you finally meet him, he’s a quiet little thing who looks like a baked bean in glasses.” — Caitlin Moran, How To Be A Woman (via chamalmey)

Apr 06

“If you’re not a confident person, pretend to be one.” — Caitlin Moran (via infamoussayings)

(via infamoussayings)

Apr 04

“What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I have made it socially acceptable for girls who wear eyeliner to discuss masturbation and sexism.” — Caitlin Moran as part of “Q&A with Caitlin Moran” in The Guardian. (via poweradepuke)

Apr 02

“And there we are again, hot with joy, aching with it like effervescent brandy in our bones; not dead, in bed, with a whole day in which anything could happen, and even if “nothing” happens, you still have lunch, and pictures of cats that look like Hitler on Twitter, and putting on your favourite shoes, and looking at the sky, and reading Wolf Hall on the bus, and putting your key in the door, and smelling stew.” — Caitlin Moran (via quote—bank)

“a majority of women’s magazines feature women who do amazing things, but the article focuses on how she ruined it with her shoes.” — caitlin moran (via fun-fierce-fearless-fangirl)

(Source: born-to-fangirl)

Mar 28

“At 19, I read a sentence that re-terraformed my head: “The level of matter in the universe has been constant since the Big Bang.”
In all the aeons we have lost nothing, we have gained nothing - not a speck, not a grain, not a breath. The universe is simply a sealed, twisting kaleidoscope that has reordered itself a trillion trillion trillion times over.
Each baby, then, is a unique collision - a cocktail, a remix - of all that has come before: made from molecules of Napoleon and stardust and comets and whale tooth; colloidal mercury and Cleopatra’s breath: and with the same darkness that is between the stars between, and inside, our own atoms.
When you know this, you suddenly see the crowded top deck of the bus, in the rain, as a miracle: this collection of people is by way of a starburst constellation. Families are bright, irregular-shaped nebulae. Finding a person you love is like galaxies colliding. We are all peculiar, unrepeatable, perambulating micro-universes - we have never been before and we will never be again. Oh God, the sheer exuberant, unlikely face of our existences. The honour of being alive. They will never be able to make you again. Don’t you dare waste a second of it thinking something better will happen when it ends. Don’t you dare.” — Caitlin Moran (via scatteredandshining)

Mar 18