“Oh, it makes women look like we were made to do it, by big boys. It makes us look like losers. It makes us look like cowards. And that’s the last thing we are.
That’s the very, very last thing women are.”—Caitlin Moran - How to be a Woman (via rwaral)
“On being hit with ‘Yeah, well, at least I’m not fat’ on two occasions, I tried to pervert a classic line, and replied, ‘I’m fat because every time I fxck your dad, he gives me a biscuit.’”—‘How To Be A Woman’, Caitlin Moran (via bardattheback)
“The relief of taking off a bad bra is immeasurable. It’s like a combination of putting your feet up, going to the toilet, a drink of cold water on a hot day, and sitting on the steps of a caravan having a fag. Bad bra removal is a measure of your friendships. If you would feel comfortable in going round to someone’s house at the end of a long day, and saying ‘I’m just going to take my bra off’, you know you are intimate friends.”—
Caitlin Moran is really difficult to interview. Her mind is racing. She wants to talk about everything. One minute it’s Radiohead, then it’s lace leggings, then we’re back on the question, then we’re off again. It’s this giddy excitement that permeates her book on feminism - ‘How to be a Woman’. In the past few weeks she has found the time to discuss clown porn with Jeremy Paxman, get into a Twitter feud with a News of the World employee and attend Mr Gay England, all while writing her three weekly columns for The Times. We tackle it all in fifteen minutes on a sunny afternoon in Cornwall.
“You have a certain … gravity,” [Hector] explains, as he bids [Bel] goodnight, in the rain, and it’s clear that he means both kinds: she’s an intellectual heavyweight but she’s also the planet that these moons-of-boys revolve around.”—Caitlin Moran on The Hour in her Times tv column. (Behind the Times paywall, or for free on their iPhone app)
“I have - as with any other teenagers - the potential to take my place in the world, the equal, or better, of any adult.
I could be a fxcking genius.”—‘How To Be A Woman’, Caitlin Moran (via bardattheback)
“What did I think The Hour was going to be? From the trailers, I thought that I knew. It seemed to be an open-and-shut case of the BBC going “Mad Men? Fast, clever, lavishly stylised period drama — that has been exported all over the world in a million boxed sets? That’s classic BBC territory! We should have been all over something like this like a pigeon on a chip! Knackers! This has been a massive operational failure!” “
Job: journalist, the Times Age: 36 Industry: publishing, digital media New entry
To win one Press Award (critic of the year) is impressive, but to win a second (interviewer of the year) at the same event suggests that this has been Caitlin Moran's year as a journalist.
Chances are you are one of her nearly 100,000 Twitter followers, but chances are you have probably been forced to watch from the sidelines as she joshes with her clever young writer chums like a smart sixth former en route to drama school. Did you know it’s pronounced Katlin? If not you haven’t got a chance.
Our panellists felt that Moran and other prominent Twitterers have become “brands in their own right”, reflecting a change in the Fleet Street balance of power. “She has been incredibly powerful this year,” said one.
As a TV columnist a Moran thumbs-up means that she you have a serious cheerleader for your programme in a paper read by the people who count. If you’re one of her pals like Doctor Who showrunner Steven Moffat or an actor like John Simm (whom she encounters at the school gates) even better.
A Times regular since 1992, she also pens a Saturday magazine column for the paper and a celebrity column on a Friday. She is one of a handful of Times writers with a genuinely popular audience, which explains why the paper presents her as a celebrity in her own right.
She may also be about to join Channel 4. Moran – who previously fronted the channel’s now-defunct music show Naked City with Johnny Vaughan – is in talks with the broadcaster about a possible return.
Born in Brighton, she attended a Methodist primary school in Wolverhampton and was then home schooled from the age of 11. She was fantastically precocious. In 1990, aged just 15, she won the Observer’s young reporter of the year award, going on a year later to work for Melody Maker.
This year’s book How to Be a Woman has been a critical success, the Observer describing it as “timely” and “a great big hoot of a book”, while the Evening Standard said it was a “must-read for all humans”.
“I said this jokingly but I think it’s true: that it was the Spice Girls who messed it all up. I was a teenage girl during Britpop, and you watch the footage of early Blur concerts, and they’re all in Doc Martens and jeans and no make-up, and there’s this brilliant, puppyish, I’m-just-being-a-human-being kind of vibe. Then the Spice Girls come along and it’s like Adam and Eve eating the apple of knowledge in the Garden of Eden. And obviously, the appropriating of the phrase “girl power”, which at that point overrode any notion of feminism, and which was a phrase that meant absolutely nothing apart from being friends with your girlfriends. Is that it? You’re literally going to tell me as a woman that the two things that are good for me are 1) to make me feel I should go back to wearing a very short skirt, and 2) be friends with my girlfriends. And in exchange for that you’re basically going to wipe out feminism for a decade? Thanks!”—Caitlin Moran (via droppingtheball)
“If you want to know what’s in motherhood for you, as a woman, then - in truth - it’s nothing you couldn’t get from, say, reading the 100 greatest books in human history; learning a foreign language well enough to argue in it; climbing hills; loving recklessly; sitting quietly, alone, in the dawn; drinking whisky with revolutionaries; learning to do close-hand magic; swimming in a river in winter; growing foxgloves, peas and roses; calling your mum; singing while you walk; being polite; and always, always helping strangers. No one has ever claimed for a moment that childless men have missed out on a vital aspect of their existence, and were the poorer, and crippled by it.”—How to be a Woman, Caitlin Moran (via aninsufferableknowitall)
“But of course, the hiring of domestic help isn’t a case of women opressing other women, because WOMEN DID NOT INVENT DUST. THE STICKY RESIDUE THAT COLLECTS ON THE KETTLE DOES NOT COME OUT OF WOMEN’S VAGINAS. IT IS NOT OESTROGEN THAT COVERS THE DINNER PLATES IN TOMATO SAUCE, FISHFINGER CRUMBS AND BITS OF MASH. MY UTERUS DID NOT RUN UPSTAIRS AND THROW ALL OF THE KID’S CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR AND PUT JAM ON THE BANISTER. AND IT IS NOT MY TITS THAT HAVE SKEWED THE GLOBAL ECONOMY TOWARDS DOMESTIC WORK FOR WOMEN.”—How To Be a Woman - Caitlin Moran on ‘mess’ (via stonedimmmaculate)
‘Fortunately,’ she said, ‘the craze for Brazilians is abating. The hot new haircut is the Sicilian. It is like a Brazilian - but you are left with a neat little Sicily- shaped triangle, which at least means you still look like a woman. Good luck!’.
Sicily? The good news is that I can make my luge look like Sicily? Home of the Mafia? That’s my vagina now? it’s got the Godfather in it? Ha ha! Can you imagine if we asked men to put up with this shit? They’d laugh you out the window before you got halfway through the first sentence.
I can’t believe we’ve got to a point where it’s basically costing us money to have a fanny. They’re making us pay for maintenance and upkeep of our lulus, like they’re a communal garden. It’s a stealth tax. Fanny VAT. This money we should be spending on the ELECTRICITY BILL and CHEESE and BERETS. Instead, we’re wasting it on our Chihuahuas look like a skanky Lidl chicken breast. God DAMN you, mores-of-pornography-that-have-made-it-into-my-pants. GOD DAMN YOU.
”—Caitlin Moran - How To Be a Woman (via octopuswig)
On Twitter this week, two of country’s most high-profile columnists Caitlin Moran and Giles Coren have individually reported being in some way ‘blamed’ for Milly Dowler affair by readers, simply because they work for The Times, another of Rupert Murdoch’s papers.
But even journalists of their power should not be held accountable for mistakes perpetrated by others who happen to work for the same company. People always demand others take a moral stance when controversies occur - stop advertising with them! Boycott the paper! - but do people really expect someone to quit their job, or not accept it in the first place, because they morally object to some of the things their employers do, or may do?
Should everyone who worked for the Labour government have been blamed or expected to quit over the Iraq war? Think of all things we’d have missed out on, and the good people we’d have lost, if that absurd scenario had actually occured.
Sam Parker - Not Everyone at The News of the World Was Guilty
“The idea that pornography is intrinsically exploitative and sexist is bizarre: pornography is just “stuff fucking”, after all. The act of having sex isn’t sexist so there’s no way pornography can be, in itself, inherently misogynist.
So no. Pornography isn’t the problem. Strident feminists are fine with pornography. It’s the porn industry that’s the problem. The whole thing is as offensive, sclerotic, depressing, emotionally bankrupt and desultory as you would expect a widely unregulated industry worth, at an extremely conservative estimate, $30 billion to be. No industry ever made that amount of money without being superlatively crass and dumb.
But you don’t ban things for being crass and dispiriting. If you did, we would have to ban the Gregg’s Mega Sausage Roll first - and we would have a revolution on our hands.
No. What we need to do is effect a 100 per cent increase in the variety of pornography available to us. Let’s face it: the vast majority of porn out there is as identikit and mechanical as fridge-freezers rolling off a production line.
And there are several reasons why this is bad for everyone - men and women equally. Firstly, in the 21st century, children and teenagers get the majority of their sex education from the internet. Long before school or parents will have mentioned it, chances are they’ll have seen the lot on the net.
But it’s not just their sex education - which is a series of useful facts and practicalities, and the basic business of what goes where, or what could go where, if you’re determined enough - that kids are getting from the net. It’s also their sex hinterland. It informs the imagination, as well as the mechanics.”—
Caitlin Moran - How To Be A Woman
Only about 60 pages in, but already considering making this mandatory reading for my potential children when they hit puberty.
“[W]hen a woman walks into a room, her outfit is the first thing she says, before she even opens her mouth. Women are judged on what they wear in a way men would find incomprehensible - they have never felt that uncomfortable moment where someone assesses what you’re wearing, and then starts talking down to you, or stars perving on you, or presumes you won’t ‘understand’ the conversation - be it at work, parenting or culture - simply because of what you put on that day.”—Caitlin Moran - How to Be a Woman